Bah!

Its really irritating, how some people tend to be so confusing. How this confusion leads to one's irrational thinking and reflecting towards others. Its really bad. Why?

For one, how you relate to the person changes. It causes trouble on how you relate with people. It causes paranoia, causes abnormal over analyzing of the other's reaction.

There is this certain guilt that you feel eventhough you know you're not doing anything wrong. You think there must be something, you think they're not that blind to not notice, nor to know. It give you the shitty feeling of being a bad person even without doing something bad.

You try to think of it as nothing, friends means friendly notions and actions. Deep inside you know there must be something deeper than just that, you desire to know it but is scared of the answer.

You reject the ideas that are pushed at you. you try to ignore them, you go for something else, you distract yourself.
Then the distraction bites you in the ass, you here songs that mean so much.

"... Growing up, these are the best days of our lives... the only thing that matters is just following your heart...and eventually you'll finally get it right...."

You hear things like that played in the radio, in the blogs, and you now more than ever, you feel even worse. You miss the happier days, you cry.
the fear of hurting people envelopes your feelings. the confusion scares you. you get more irritated. you feel like running away, but you can't.

Now you hate the feeling. Now you think of the friends, you think of whats at risk, you think and think and think, and you feel the destruction of yourself.

You want to hate the person, but can't cause he/she/it is someone/something you know and count as a friend/ grave importance.

Now you can't move.

And you think, your friends will be there in this time of need.

You look around and say: "What the hell are you thinking of, nothing is clear, let it be"

You think of it and plan to continue to live your life, but then, the things/person(s) bothering you, will still remain even if its just at the back of your mind.

You then continue your life, so that nothing will pass you by.

But there's still something there that scares you......


.....You know its all going to come back..... SOON.

BOO!